"In our culture we want and think sex is supposed be spontaneous, but in reality, it almost never is," says Megan Flemming, PhD, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist.
Will your attitude towards the issue change if you learn that sex scheduling really saves relationships and sexual lives of numerous couples? Moreover, it does not only awaken burnt out desire but makes sex brighter and more memorable.
How important is sex in your life?
For every non-asexual couple sex is an essential part of every-day life. It is worth noting that by sex we mean not just classical intercourse, but oral sex, mutual masturbation, as well as sensual massage. Not paying proper attention to sex might be harmful and destructive for your relationship.
We all live very active lives working full-time jobs, studying, maintaining families, so we may not always have enough time for sex and intimacy. So, if sex is an essential part of your existence why don't you start scheduling it as you plan meetings or shopping and why not including it in your calendar? By planning this act, you get through to your partner that your intimacy is as important as all other activities you need to do.
Certainly, in many couples a set sex schedule can cause extra tension, a more emotional partner may feel pressure or even compulsion. Try to look at this subject from a different perspective and do not take this situation as stress, think of it as of special time that you devote to your husband/wife, lover or partner. After all we all need it.
How to raise this topic with your partner?
For many people (even for those who are in a long-term relationship) talking about sex can be uncomfortable and awkward. Problem discussion, communication about desire, receiving feedback at the end of an act are consciously ignored. Many sexual experts, including Caleb Backe, American personal training and health and wellness expert, highly recommend "If you lack intimacy that you used to share with your partner, do not hesitate to bring it out."
The ability of having an open and clear talk is a key attribute of all healthy relationships. If your partner refuses to discuss this topic and does not follow your plan, you might address to the third party. Sex-coaches or sexologists can be very helpful in solving such problems. As certain efforts, compromises and willingness to cooperate are required for both partners' sexual satisfaction.
However, before the situation gets this far, answer a question - have you done your best to make the anticipation of that evening bring you only positive emotions? It surely is easier to simply mark that special day in your calendar and passively wait for it to come, making it dull and trivial beforehand. It doesn't hurt to conceive of it as of a "date time" or an interesting adventure. Prepare yourself and each other for this event – get some rest, relax and forget about stress and troubles. You can go further – send your partner some flirty messages, intimate photos, leave intriguing notes, a woman can wear sexual lingerie, in other words do everything to make your partner look forward to the evening.
Sex is not an instrument, but a goal.
One of the main things to be realized and considered while scheduling sexual contacts is that a planned sex does not always mean an intercourse. "Intercourse is just a tool for achieving your goals in serious relationships, and a goal means deep connection. There are many other ways to use the time that you had allowed for sex to still achieve your final aim," – says Caleb Backe.
Today you probably want to kiss your partner, embrace and talk about your day, and tomorrow you wish to watch porn together. Experts recommend partners who plan sex to agree at least on one action that you are going to do during these sessions. In case if you feel desire, you can go further or not experiment – more important is that you follow the plan.
It is necessary to understand that at the heart of every intercourse there is intimacy. For many years of your partnership you should make efforts to have sex even with your loving and loyal partner. You should keep the sparkle bright. So, find time for each other, communicate openly about your desires and invest in the future of your relationships.
Remember that in harmonious relationships there are both scheduled and spontaneous sex. Such couples understand that planned sex establishes their connection and makes it stronger, though it should not prevent sudden passion expression and desires. These couples certainly don't limit their relationships by appointed days. At the same time these people have crossed out the idea that the only good sex is spontaneous one.